Monday, July 13, 2015

Man Seeks S.S. Disability for His “Whiteness”


Man Seeks S.S. Disability for His “Whiteness”
Al Ritter 

Percy Whittington lives in Baltimore City and is employed as a hairdresser. Since the Baltimore Riots of 2015 he feels that his means of making a living has been seriously challenged. His customer base has been dropping ever since the riots and he feels he knows the reason….his “whiteness.” 

“Nothing has changed in my ability to style and cut hair,” says Mr. Whittington as he was being interviewed at his home in the Cherry Hill area of Baltimore City. “My ability to pay my bills and live in harmony within my neighborhood has been seriously diminished.” 

Mr. Whittington has been successfully employed at Laquita's Hairweave for the last 17 years, but only until recently has he questioned the reason for his declining clientele base. “I have successfully kept up with current styles and have even learned how to do cornrowing, but now that seems to mean nothing.” 

Mr. Whittington believes that his current drop in customers is due to his “physical disability,” the fact of his “whiteness.” When questioned about possibly changing careers, his reply was, “why should I change careers when the problem is the color of my skin?” 

“Some people have suggested that I move out of downtown Baltimore and get a job in the suburbs, but that would require me to start all over and build a new client basis, and that just makes no sense at my age.” Although Mr. Whittington is just 48 years old he feels he is in the twilight of his career and sees no hope in recovering his current earning capability. 

“People need to understand that being white is a real physical disability, and needs to be addressed by government. I haven’t saved much over my working career and now the government needs to help me out, after all it’s only fair. President Obama has helped so many people since he came into office and now he needs to help me though my disability. President Obama has been redefining many things in our lives and now this is just one more area he needs to work on.” 

6 comments:

Kevin said...

If he said he was gay, he would probably get it.

barb p said...

Very good Al...I was hanging on to the edge of my chair to see where this was going to take me. "Whiteness" can and does feel like a disability very often, as well as age...

steve m said...

Well, it could happen somewhere someday!

barb g said...

:) :) :) I wouldn't be surprised if actually similar stories would come out, and they would get disability, but then again not the "white" people.
However, there is this guy in CA who collects $700.00 disability every month because "he can't work, and stop drinking at the same time". CA pays him disability, he doesn't work, and as for stop drinking.......who knows..................

Grant Burmer said...

You just have to keep a since of humor in todays world. Wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so spot on.

bud s said...

WHO THE HELL HAS OBAMA HELPED OTHER THAN HIMSELF, PLUS YOU GOT MY
BLOOD PRESSURE UP