Obama Satire

Obama Speaks!
By Larry Elder
Thank you very much. It's great to be here.

You know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. We are going to do things differently and expect a different result. And if we don't do things differently, well, the results we get, well, they'll be the results we deserve. Thank you.

We deserve better results, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm running for the presidency of the United States of America. If you want the same results done in a different way, then you're going to get the same results, only achieved differently.

If, however, you want different results with a different way, but not done the same way, without the same results, but with new results in a new way, while ensuring the new results are much more new than the old results we've had the old way, then I'm sure you'll agree with me that we, ladies and gentlemen, must work toward a different way, to achieve results in a different way than the way we used to achieve the results differently. Thank you.

Change is never easy. Change is hard. Some change is harder than others. And easy change is never as easy as hard change, if only because hard change is hard. Changing the easy to the hard is harder than changing the hard to the easy.

But if, ladies and gentlemen, you are looking for easy change done the hard way, then that hard change will not be easy, if only because change is hard, and harder change is much harder when it is hard than when it is easy. This is especially the case if you use the same way of changing results that ultimately result in change done the hard way. And that is why I am proposing hard change with a different approach that could ensure a different change than we've had in the past with the same approach only with different results with easy change than the hard change that we've had when change was, in fact, easy. Thank you very much.

We must have hope. Hope is what we must have. If you have no hope, then you are without it more than you would be if, indeed, you had hope. Without hope, there is only hopelessness. If you have hopelessness, then those without hope will never have hope because those who have it, do, and those who don't, don't.

And that is why I intend to hope that we may have more hope, so that those without hope can get it from those who do have hope. So the hopeful must share the hope with the hopeless to reduce the hopeless while uplifting the hopeful. And I certainly hope that we can all agree that hope alone without hoping for those without hope is, in fact, a recipe for further hopelessness. Thank you.

I ask you not to take a chance on me, but to take a chance on your own aspirations. And aspirations are nothing without inspiration. And with inspiration comes perspiration. So I ask you to aspire to perspire so that you may inspire. And with your inspiration, coupled with the aspirations of those who perspire, that perspiration will create further inspiration to which all of us can aspire. And those who inspire the most will perspire the most, only because their aspirations create the greatest inspirations. And it is a false choice to think you can have inspiration without perspiration.

So, if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, better get yourself out, unless you're popping popcorn! Until you see the whites of their eyes, then, by god, don't you fire! I have but one life to give to my country, but I sure do regret it! We have nothing to fear, but fear itself, especially when fear fears us back! Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for you! Si, se puede! Pass the guacamole. Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders do not upset us. Boo-ya!

So to sum up, in conclusion, per se, so to speak, if you will, on the one hand, if not on the other, let me say this: Don't do drugs!

Thank you, and may God bless you, and may God bless America!

CREATORS SYNDICATE © 2008 LAURENCE A. ELDER