Al Ritter
I was in my twenties when I first experienced a friend
dying from suicide, and at the time I viewed it as a pure expression of
selfishness. As I entered middle age my view on suicide changed. I don’t know
why or how but my mind started to see suicide as a grey area. I started to see
extenuating circumstances as somewhat logical reasoning for the decisions of
the victim.
The next friend that committed suicide was when I was
in my mid-thirties and had been given a cancer diagnosis two weeks prior to his
demise. I was starting to see the logical thinking side of such a decision,
even though I’m not sure I could ever carry such a thing out, I could see why
they made such a decision.
The next friend that exited this world from his own hand
was just recently, in fact in the last week, but this one baffled me. I had
always liked this guy, in fact he was a customer of mine when I had my business
and we stayed friends for almost 30 years. He had seemed upbeat although he
hated Maryland and had contracted to build a house in Florida, so he and his
wife could retire there. The house build was taking longer than anticipated and
he was growing weary of the wait.
We would see each other often at Cars and Coffee, but
I hadn’t seen him since last fall. I received a call from another friend in
common this weekend when he said ..”Did you hear about…..?” My heart sank as I
said nooooooo what about him? Then the devastating news came.
Obviously he must have had some demons in his soul that he wasn’t able to deal with, and he didn’t let anyone else see them.
I
thought he was so looking forward to Florida and the move. He had sold his big
house and had rented a condo here just waiting for the new house to be
completed. But now that is just a memory and I worry for his widow at this
point. They both treated me well in all the years of our friendship, and now
the survivors mourn for his loss.
Sometimes the world can be so cruel and inflict damage
on us that not many others see.
But I see suicide differently now, more rapidly as I approach
my seventies than I did when I was in my twenties. Sadly the survivors will forever go without answers.
Life is strange that way sometimes.
This may explain part of the mindset:
6 comments:
I as you my friend have traveled that path. As both having several friends end their lives this way and as a police officer responding to incidents of this. Having seen the results of this first hand from gunshot wounds, to hanging to jumping out of high windows, those scenes will forever be in my mind as will the remembrances of my personal friends. But as you evaluating the evidence/ reasons behind it, I too have come to an understanding of it.
This brought tears to my eyes, I lost a brother to suicide 10 years ago this month. You are right about the survivors never getting an answer though. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Very sad, sorry for your loss Al
@Betsyross.....Thank you
I've come to the conclusion that suicide is a very personal thing. Lots of the survivors want to know how it happened, but I would caution about asking too many questions. If the spouse wants to tell you they will, but err on the side of compassion rather than the quizzical.
@Mandy from Belair.....excellent advice, just be gentle!
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